By: James Santelices Patterson, California
One Filipina woman said: “If divorce will be legalized in the Philippines, it will help a lot of battered and abused women who already suffered for a long time…”
Another man said: “Well, if divorce is legalized in our country, this can be a very good thing for us, a very good way, a good reason for us to look and find another younger, beautiful and more attractive woman.”
Then another man said: “…That’s why I am for divorce! I can beat my wife so she would file a divorce and then I can find another woman!”
And so the breakdown and the moral degradation of that once- closed Filipino family begins.
Pope Leo XIII [1878-1903] once said: “Divorce is born of perverted morals and leads to vicious habits.”
Marriage is supposed to be a sacred institution. It is founded on a promise to love and accept one another “until death do us part.”
The VOW in marriage involves the bride and the groom, promising to stay together for “better or for worse.” But this vows are often taken lightly and so they believe that the “worse” part in that vow was their partners being occasionally grumpy, nagger, bossy, or even cheater and on and on… and when things really get worse they would simply file for a divorce rather than continuing to make good on their marital vows and protecting their families from being destroyed.
Thorton Wilder said it beautifully: “I did not marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults and the promise I gave you made up for mine. It was that promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it was not this house that protected them; it was not even our love…IT WAS THAT PROMISE!”
It seems that these people who are supporting this bill don’t really mind the damage of a ticking “time bomb” that will affect even their very own children.
They don’t think of the consequences: Broken families, broken relationships, more undomesticated men, more extra-marital affairs, more illegitimate children, anti-social kids, crimes, abortion, addictions, lose of faith, confused children and at the end of all these- suicide!
A Filipina wife said: “Well, I had enough…and I can’t take it anymore… my husband has been my problem for a very long time now!”
Marital problems are ‘relationship problems’ they are the result of how two people interact with each other. You can abandon your troubled marriage, but you will still bring the way you interact with another along with you.
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the “enemy”. Marriages are made in heaven. But again, so are thunders, lightning, tornados and typhoons.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra [1547-1616], a Spanish novelist who wrote “Don Quixote” once said: “The worst RECONCILIATION is better than the best DIVORCE!”
Nicole Richie, [Nicole Camille Escovedo in real life- American actress and TV personality] once said: “when my Dad divorced my Mom, it was kind of like him leaving me also…”
What a very sad reaction coming from a daughter!
Divorce will not only crush the hearts of the husband and wife but also the hearts and minds of their children. They too will feel sadness, loneliness, anger, and a feeling of being second-class citizens.
Children of divorce are always worried and keep thinking of their parents:
Will his new wife welcome me into their home? Will Mama’s new love stick around with her? Is Papa or Mama eating right and taking good care of himself/herself? Will I get tuition help from Papa for College? Why is it that so many of our relatives and friends are staying away from us now?
When the time comes in choosing a lifetime partners, these children of divorce brings its own set of questions too:
Will I ever find a faithful spouse I can trust? Do I ever want to marry or I’ll just live together with him/her? Do I want children, and if so, can I protect them from the suffering I have experienced too?
Even children who are in their 30s and 40s when their parents decided to divorce will still experience the results of that separation in their own personal lives…long after it has ceased to be an issue for the parents themselves.
In her book, “The Way They Were”, Brooke Lea Foster, who also suffered from divorce, wrote:
“We don’t lose one parent: we lose our entire base. We experience the death of a set of people…”
Said one child: “Mom hates Dad. Dad hates Mom, so, they went their own separate ways. It all makes me sad…”
Emptiness from the aftermath of a divorce IS real.
All these hardships will take a great toll on the children.
Divorce will leave emotional scars from which our children can never be free.
You know why in America divorce rate is so high? The answer is simple:
Because divorce begets divorce!
If this bill will pass in the Philippine Congress, it will only bring so many personal heartaches and struggles to our children and of course to all of us, Filipinos.
Some Filipinos think that since Divorce is acceptable in the United States and in Europe, it could also be acceptable and “ok” in the Philippines!
Divorce is bad for the Filipino family and bad for the Philippines.
Divorce is the result of a declining and changing culture and moral values including a decline in real Christian and moral conviction, as well as a decline in the value of commitment and honor.
Couples who are considering divorce should instead try everything in their power to make the marriage work and make love flicker again not only for their sake but for the sake of their children and their children’s children.
A question was asked: Is there anything more beautiful in life than seeing a young couple in love, holding hands in the path of marriage?
And the answer was given: Yes, there is
When the late Mr. and Mrs. Henry Ford celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, a reporter asked them:
“Sir, to what do you attribute your 50 years of successful married life”?
“Ah, the formula,” Ford said, “is the same formula I have always used in making cars- just stick to ONE model!”
How will you show to your children the success of marriage until both of you show them how?
It’s very sad that today, some of our very own Politicians and supporters of this bill sees DIVORCE as a solution to a problematic marriage.
Each of us has that God-given right and obligation to rectify and correct any mistakes we make/made in our married life without resulting to Divorce.
“When you get to the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on…”
PEOPLE OF THE PHILIPPINE ISLANDS:
NO TO DIVORCE!
James Santelices, is from San Andres Catanduanes, Philippine Islands. He graduated from Catanduanes College in 1988 but began his studies as an A.B. Political Science major at Catanduanes State Colleges. He is currently residing in Patterson California, under the constant protection of St. Andrew the Apostle and Our Lady of Sorrows. He has never written any romance novel. He has, however, lived one.